I told her she could never disappoint us - as long as she was happy, found a job, and could pay her bills...
Why did I feel the need to add the caveat?
Why could I not just say, we will love you no matter what you do?
Truth is, we all have different agendas. I do want Kaitlyn to be happy and find a job that she loves and be able to pay the bills. But, if she doesn't, I will still love her and support her. She is, after all, my daughter.
We talk about unconditional love and support - but is there really such a thing?
When you hold that newborn baby in your arms for the first time - that is the closest thing to unconditional love I can think of. You don't care what anyone else thinks - that child is perfect in your eyes.
As they grow older, you realize they are not perfect - and it is unfair to hold them to such a high standard. Their imperfections make them who they are - and you love them for that. But loving them does not mean you always support them. (Face it - teenagers can make some really questionable choices and need parental guidance - not just support.)
I think sometimes we project expectations for ourselves onto our children and spouse.
It is fair to expect them to fulfill goals that we really mean for ourselves?
I will always love my family - but that doesn't mean I don't have some hopes and dreams for them.
I want to grow old with my husband - go on adventures with him - see Kailtyn graduate college and have a fulfilling career - watch her get married some day to a wonderful man who will be her perfect match - and spoil our future grandchildren. But, if this doesn't happen as I envision, I will not stop loving Lance or Kaitlyn. I will just have to accept that my plan is not always God's plan.
And that is not easy because I like to be in control.
Letting go is hard.
So, when Kaitlyn took a job I said congratulations and (not so secretly) cheered because it seemed like such a good fit.
When she told me her current GPA was high enough to graduate with distinction, but she probably wouldn't because she was just not as focused this semester getting A's, I had to work extremely hard to bury the pushy mother in me and say that was okay. (I obviously didn't do a very good job as Kaitlyn said she wished she had never mentioned it to me - oh well.)
So, here is my goal for myself: Love unconditionally - and support the best I can.
Will I make mistakes? You can bet on that.
Will I cringe when I hear myself say "but...maybe...if you just..."? I am sure I will.
Will my family understand and love me unconditionally? I hope so...
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