"Whatever will be, will be.” (Que Sera, Sera for those of you old enough to remember Doris Day.)
“Behind every cloud is a silver lining.”
“When one door closes, another one opens.”
Unfortunately, she is correct.
When Kaitlyn asked me to give her some life advice based on my mistakes and triumphs over the years I said I would give it a shot – and try to avoid clichés (which is tougher than I thought it would be!)
So, to my college graduate and only daughter, here goes – advice from the heart:
While graduation may seem like an ending – it is really just a beginning. (That may be a bit cliché, but bear with me.) You are ending a phase of your life that centered around getting good grades and attending classes; impromptu parties with room-mates and trips to the mountains; working part-time jobs for the extras while your parents took care of college tuition and room and board. But, you are about to enter a whole new exciting time of choices, adventure, friends, triumphs, road trips and embarrassing mistakes. It may be scary to think of yourself as an adult with a “real” job, a grownup apartment and bills you didn’t realize you would have to pay, but it will be fun!
I was so excited to start my life as a college graduate that I jumped into the first job offered to me. As it turns out, it was a good decision for many reasons, but not one I lost much sleep over. They told me I would work at least 48 hours a week and would be salaried (so no overtime) and I said no problem. They offered me a salary that was not much more than I made working as a courtesy counter person for the Eau Claire Co-op while I was in college and I said yes. They told me I would have to move to Duluth for training and could be transferred anywhere in the country on a weeks’ notice and I said wonderful.
My first piece of advice – don’t over think your choices. Sometimes the spontaneous decisions are the best ones.
When I was transferred to Mitchell, South Dakota I eagerly packed my car and pulled a trailer behind me as I prepared for my next adventure. I had never been farther west than Minnesota, depended on a road atlas to guide me, and pulled a trailer that was probably too big for my little car. But, I had no concerns about arriving safely at my destination and embracing my new life. Thinking back, I was pretty naïve and I did have some cash stolen when I left it sitting on the passenger seat with the window open as I was stopped at a gas station -- which leads to life lesson number two:
Know where your money is at all times.
I mean this both literally and figuratively. I know it sounds really conservative, but put money in a 401K or IRA (even if it is only ten dollars a week) and have a savings account with enough money to live on for three to six months. I realize you will have to build to this, but you never know what the future will bring and sometimes it is better to be prepared for the worst case scenario – even if nothing bad ever happens. If your life is all roses – then you will have a nice nest egg to invest in a good cause, donate to your favorite charity, or just splurge with.
So -- platitude alert -- expect the best, but prepare for the worst.
I moved to Mitchell without knowing a soul, but ended up meeting my future husband (and Kaitlyn's father) along with a lot of other terrific people I still keep in touch with. Because of my room-mate’s black and white cat named “DC” I learned that some felines are not so bad. I learned that you can have fun in a small town if you just open yourself up to the opportunities. I learned that a bowling league can be pretty darn entertaining. I learned to be organized, how to get others to want to work hard without being a witch, and the importance of trying new things. I became a runner and stopped smoking (very bad habit - glad Kaitlyn never got on that wagon train!).
Bottom line - let yourself be open to try new things and don't be afraid to put yourself out there - even if it means admitting you are not always going to be perfect in your efforts.
It was not until I was married and had a beautiful little girl did I realize my life was lacking in one major area. I had forgotten about the faith I grew up with - let it slip to the sidelines of my life - looking to God only in times of crisis or out of a sense of obligation. I was an occasional worshiper - going to church on holidays and for weddings or funerals. My life was missing a critical piece, but I didn't realize it at the time. I needed you to remind of that.
Don't make the mistake of thinking you can do it all alone - and if you fall away from your faith, remember, God is very forgiving. He loves you and will always be there for you.
I have made so many friends over the years. They all were a very important part of my life when I needed them most. My old high school group - while we only see each other on rare occasions now, the years just melt away when we get together (much to our husbands' chagrin). The basketball mom's - they made me feel like part of a big family as we shared hopes and dreams for our daughters, along with the challenges of raising teenagers. Though our girls have moved on to separate lives in different cities, I still love getting together with the moms, catching up with what is going on in their lives and the lives of their families. My Minnesota work friends - while I now live in Colorado I still love to reach out to them - even if it is just to say hi or to "like" something on Facebook they posted.
Make a point to keep in touch with old friends and extended family. Friends come into your lives for a reason. Don't forget about them just because you no longer see them on a regular basis.
As a teen, I loved being in the choir and part of the high school musicals. I lost that in college. Fortunately, I met your father who enjoyed attending plays and concerts - and did not give up that love just because he was in college. I still remember the first time I saw Jesus Christ Superstar live on a professional stage with Lance in Sioux Falls. Amazing! We continued this tradition of seeing plays even after we were married - eventually getting season tickets to the Ordway in St. Paul and planning vacations that centered around local art or plays. We always enjoyed going to craft fairs as a couple and I indulged my artistic nature by decorating the house and creating floral wall hangings and arrangements. I began to sing again at church in choirs, worship bands, and as a cantor -- not realizing how much I missed the joy music brought to me.
Keep art in your life. You are very talented and creative and it would be a shame to let that part of you drop by the wayside. We all need those artistic moments in our lives that make us smile.
When Lance and I were dating we would visit my parents and while I sat in the kitchen talking to my mom, he would be in the living room listening to my father's stories about serving in WWII, working as a cookee in a lumber camp, and anything else my dad wanted to share. My husband probably knows more about my dad's life than I do - and that makes me a bit sad. You still have parents (and grandparents) who probably like to reminisce too much, but these are important stories. When I was hit in they eye with a baseball while I lived in Duluth - who did I call? Mom, of course. When I was in labor, the first person I called was my mother as I had no idea what to expect. The older I get, the more I wish I would have paid better attention to what both my parents had to say, especially since they are no longer here to share their wisdom.
That brings me to my final word of advise - really listen to your parents and other important family members, not just hear them (blah, blah, blah). You may not always want to pay attention to what they have to say, but believe me when I tell you, you will wish you had listened more when they are no longer here.
And that, dear graduate, is my life advise. I hope some of it strikes a cord with you - but I won't be offended if it doesn't all make sense right now. Someday it will.
Congratulations Kaitlyn - you are about to enter a new and exciting phase of your life that will be filled with triumphs and mistakes. Don't let the mistakes get you down - learn a lesson from them. And celebrate the triumphs, but don't let them go to your head - no one likes a know-it-all!
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| My college graduation with my parents. |
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| With my sister Linda and brother Ross. |
