My thoughts on December 22:
I'm done - no more Christmas preparations allowed.
I have been busy baking cookies, putting up decorations, shopping for presents.
I could do more - but I am declaring the prep work to be done...now it is time to sit back and enjoy the holidays.
I mean REALLY enjoy - spending time with friends and relatives, really listening to what they have to say; savoring the tastes of this season and not eating mindlessly just because the food is there; relaxing and not feeling like I have to make sure everything about the holiday is perfect for everyone else.
Here's what actually happened:
I arrived home after a full day of work on Tuesday to the welcome cries of my in-laws who had flown in that morning to spend the holidays with us. I greeted them and immediately fell into hostess mode - what can I do for you? Did you get some cookies? Would you like something to drink? Let me start making dinner... Do I need help? No - you just relax - I have it under control...
The next morning I was up early - time for a haircut (who in their right mind books a haircut for Christmas week?) and then hurried back home so I could offer my car to our guests. Of course, as I pulled into the garage I noticed that my daughter still had not put her license plates on her car - and I enter the house in a whirlwind of judgement... She promised me she would get that done the last time I saw her - how could my priority not be hers? After a little craziness on my part (sorry family) we finally decided that Grandma and Grandpa should take my car to eat lunch and run errands while Kaitlyn and I would take her car, stop at a car parts store to get the needed screws (thank you to the very nice young man who not only found the correct screws, but installed her plates right then and there), go to lunch, and then take in a movie. Relax - but keep on schedule girl...
Christmas Eve I got up early so I could run to the grocery store and join the other last minute shoppers who were purchasing their essentials for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I had my list and was checking it twice - wait, how could King Sooper not have all the items I needed? Quick - on to Walmart - I knew exactly where they kept the pinwheel appetizers and mini-quiches - I mean, how could I not provide all the goodies I promised my guests for the Christmas Eve feast?
Hurry home (because now I am late and no longer on schedule) to begin chopping and cutting and frying; preparing foods for today and tomorrow. I have a mission - the holiday feast must be perfect. Everyone must be happy. There is no room for error.
Thank goodness for my daughter - she basically told me to STOP. And we went for a long walk.
When I pointed out a friends house as we walked by - she asked if we were going to stop and say hi. Oh my - we might be intruding - they are probably busy - do you think they would mind? Turns out - daughter knows best. They were happy to see us - and offered us a much needed drink of water and a few minutes of Christmas hospitality.
And then we were home and the craziness started back up. Appetizers in the oven. Serving dishes set up just so - is everything in the right order? Did we use the Christmas dishes? What did we forget? Time to eat - everyone around the table - a little more conversation - we have to get ready for church!
Go...go...go...
I think you get the gist of my dilemma.
I wanted to be the happy, relaxed person of my dreams - but that is not who I am.
I am a slightly crazy perfectionist who worries way too much about what others will think if I fail to meet my own unrealistic expectations. And heaven forbid if you are part of my family and you don't put those same high expectations on yourself. (Sorry family.)
I know I can't keep up this way - no one can.
People fail - I am a person - hence I will fail... And so will my family... And my friends. Because we are human. God doesn't expect us to be perfect - so why do I expect perfection of myself? If I have any prayer for myself it is this - try to be more forgiving (of myself and others) - and not be afraid of failure. To trust in God to help me as I struggle to see myself as He sees me - a wonderful part of His creation.
So, to all you other wonderful pieces of God's creation - Merry Christmas and may you enjoy a season full of peace and forgiveness.
