Sadie, Sadie, Married Lady

My daughter recently got engaged.

Her fiancé was sweetly traditional and asked our permission before he proposed.  After doling out copious amounts of advice (which he graciously accepted) we finally gave our blessing.  The question was not a surprise as the two have been dating for over two years, were friends before that, and have a special connection that was obvious to all who saw them together.

He proposed in the morning light, at a quiet park in Kaitlyn's favorite Stillwater, singing her a love song and getting down on one knee to ask the all important question.  The ring was Kaitlyn's grandma's and Paul had replaced the existing amethyst stone with a gorgeous diamond - a thoughtful combination of old and new.

My baby is about to become a married lady.

Wow - that both excites and terrifies me.

Excitement - well that is obvious.  She has matured into a young woman I am extremely proud of.  She is going to be a beautiful bride, a loving wife, a adventurous life-mate for her future husband, and someday a wonderful mother. 

It is exciting to talk wedding details and see how good she is at putting it all together.  She has such vision and the connections to make her visions materialize, along with the support of her fiancé, family and friends.  Never a predictable girl, this wedding is sure to be a mix of traditional and unconventional.

It was amazing to watch her try on wedding dresses - a wondrous combination of adult sensibilities and excited child.  It brought back memories of watching her try on my wedding dress for fun when she was a little girl.  I had flashes of  her in the flower girl/miniature bride dress when she was five and part of my niece's wedding party.  And it made me think of my own wedding - regretting that I did not invite my mother to join me in the search for the perfect dress until after I had found it.

So, what terrifies me?

I realize Kaitlyn is no longer my little girl and I feel a little sad about the loss.  She is not only creating her own family, but she is joining another as a daughter-in-law.  The dynamics of our family are rapidly changing - not just for her, but for her dad and I, too.  That can be a little scary.

I find myself wondering, where did the time go?  Life is moving a such a fast pace! 

I look at her and see memories mixed with potential. 

She is me, thirty-plus years ago.  A young woman excited about her future with her new husband, ready to take on the world hand in hand.  But, she is also not me - she is much less conservative in her decision making and much more confident of her talents and potential than I ever was of mine.  She sees life as a grand adventure and is prepared to jump into whatever opportunities God brings her - feet first with her loving husband by her side - throwing all caution to the wind.

I remember the day Kaitlyn was born as clearly as if it were yesterday.  I remember the times we spent together when she was a little girl; going to the zoo, making up games, cooking together.  I remember her first day of school, her childhood friendships, her highs and lows, her accomplishments and failures.  I remember all the soccer games, basketball games, athletic and academic endeavors.  I remember her milestone events - baptism, confirmation, graduation from high school and college.  I remember the genuine pleasure of just talking, going on walks, and simply spending time together.

I don't want to lose our precious bond.

While her upcoming marriage has created in me a mixture of feelings - I know, deep down, that our relationship as mother and daughter is just moving into a new phase.  Kaitlyn is about to begin a new adventure and I am thrilled for her. I want to believe the old saying is true...we are not losing a daughter but gaining a son. 

With that in mind, I am going to rethink my initial reaction to the upcoming nuptials...there is no room for worry in my heart.

I am excited for Kaitlyn and Paul...period...and look forward to watching them grow together in this next phase of their lives.

Bittersweet...

Life is not fair.  Just ask my brother and his children.

My sister-in-law Sue was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's when she was in her late forties.

About six months ago the inevitable happened and Sue passed away with her husband and daughter by her side.  Sue was only in her early sixties and instead of celebrating the prime of her life with her husband of forty years, she passed away while in hospice care, not knowing who she was or who was with her. 

Did she feel their love as she spent that week hovering between life and death?  I hope so.

Gary and Sue met when they were in their early twenties.  When Gary told us he and Sue were getting married, I was excited (I was only fourteen and got to stand up in their wedding!) and my mom was cautiously optimistic (Sue was a devout Catholic and my brother was a lapsed Lutheran - as Mom said, at least he'll go to church now...)  Sue quickly became a loved family member.

To the end Gary was a devoted husband, Josie was an exceptional daughter, and her two sons (Erik and Brad) were there when she needed them.  Sue was fortunate in that aspect of life. 

Josie and her brother Brad each gave thoughtful and inspired eulogies at Sue's memorial service. The priest spoke as if he truly knew Sue and her family even though they had just met a few days before.

Josie's theme of her eulogy was "Bittersweet".  Her mother's death was an end to a period of suffering - for both Sue and her family. But, it also meant she was no longer here on this earth - no longer here to visit, to talk to, to touch. 

Josie then told us a story that really gave a picture of her mother and her strong faith.  Josie's third child was a girl, born premature and battling frequent seizures.  Early in her life little Kelsey was hospitalized and hovered between life and death.  The doctors were not optimistic.  Sue, ever faithful and confident in God's promise of life everlasting, grabbed her daughter by the shoulders and told her that she would gladly give her life to save the life of her granddaughter. 

Kelsey miraculously recovered and few months later Sue was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's. 

Brad gave us a story from his youth.  How he was afraid of death and his mom took him aside and assured him there was nothing to be worried about.  First, he would live a long and full life.  Second, when he did die he would get to go to heaven.  And Sue had a very specific idea of what heaven was.  She told him heaven was the best of everything - all he could ever want.  Her heaven was a warm beach, where she could read books to her hearts content, and would see all her friends and relatives who were already there.

What a wonderful picture...

Today Gary and his family are burying Sue's ashes.

While it will be a painful day, bringing back the memory of Sue's long and painful disease, I hope it will also be a day that brings her family together in healing.

I hope the day brings closure to them as they remember the love that radiated from Sue every day of her life.

I hope they remember her smile, her sense of humor and her faith in all things good.

I hope the day brings their family together, heals their wounds and helps them move forward in their lives.

Sue is watching over them - of that I am sure.  While she is no longer here in a physical body, she will always be with them.  She will be there for the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings and the times of joy.  She will be there during the times of struggle, disappointment, and sadness - being that little voice that says, "this too will pass." 

Sue would not want them to live in the past, but to move on into the future with joy.

Thank you Sue, for a life well lived...

 

That Sounds Good...

I really like the idea of a God who loves me unconditionally, knows my every need, listens to my prayers and guides me through my life.

I like the idea of a lot of things.

Too bad I have a habit of giving up when those things take more effort than I anticipated.

We bought a convertible a few years ago and I teased my husband that it was his "mid-life crisis" car.  But in reality, I kind of liked the idea of a convertible, too.  I pictured us taking drives into the mountains with the top down, hair blowing in the wind, the open sky above and the open road in front of us.  Our dog, Ellie, would be on my lap, tongue hanging out while she happily joined us.

Unfortunately, the idea of owning a convertible didn't match up with the reality of owning a convertible.

When I thought it was warm enough to have the top down, Lance thought it was too hot and sunny.  When Lance thought it was cool enough to enjoy the top down, I thought it was too cold.  We took one mountain trip with Ellie - and she hid on the floor by my feet the whole drive.   

I realized that I really didn't like having my hair blowing around my face.

The convertible is now gone.

We bought a hot tub many years ago because we really liked the idea of lounging in the Jacuzzi after a long day's work.  We thought it would be like having our own resort - we could run around in the snow and then warm up in the hot tub.

Again, reality was not exactly like the resort dreams. 

We had to go all the way downstairs to go out the basement to get to the hot tub.  And when we should have really used it the most - when it was cold outside - well, lets just say the warm house had its own appeal.

We talked about selling the hot tub when we moved from Minnesota to Colorado.  Instead, we ended up moving it with us.  And just guess how often we use it in Colorado?

I signed up for a 5K a few years ago because I liked the idea of being a runner. 

I even own a treadmill so I could "train" in the winter. 

What I soon realized - it is tough to stay committed.  It would have been so easy to say " this is too hard" and quit.  But, having my daughter agree to run with me gave me the motivation to keep going and actually participate in the 5K. 

I didn't run the whole thing like I pictured in my fantasy - but I did finish.

Maybe I am learning that I don't need to be perfect in my efforts - I just need to keep trying.

I guess that is where I am in my faith journey, too.

I believe I am ready to learn more about the bible and God's love.  I feel like I am ready to share that love and have the faith that God hears my prayers and is looking out for me, my friends, my family. 

My daughter gave me a daily devotional for Christmas, "Jesus Calls", and I have been reading it most mornings (including the bible verses).  That is a start.

I listened to God's voice and agreed to be part of the church council for the next two years...which put me on the Evangelism Committee...which seems to be a really good fit for me.  I guess God knows me better than I know myself.

The time has come to not just like the ideas - but to fully embrace them - whatever they may be.

Church council - women's group - singing - blogging more often...

Maybe I'll try another 5K again...

...or use the hot tub!