My sister-in-law Sue was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's when she was in her late forties.
About six months ago the inevitable happened and Sue passed away with her husband and daughter by her side. Sue was only in her early sixties and instead of celebrating the prime of her life with her husband of forty years, she passed away while in hospice care, not knowing who she was or who was with her.
Did she feel their love as she spent that week hovering between life and death? I hope so.
Gary and Sue met when they were in their early twenties. When Gary told us he and Sue were getting married, I was excited (I was only fourteen and got to stand up in their wedding!) and my mom was cautiously optimistic (Sue was a devout Catholic and my brother was a lapsed Lutheran - as Mom said, at least he'll go to church now...) Sue quickly became a loved family member.
To the end Gary was a devoted husband, Josie was an exceptional daughter, and her two sons (Erik and Brad) were there when she needed them. Sue was fortunate in that aspect of life.
Josie and her brother Brad each gave thoughtful and inspired eulogies at Sue's memorial service. The priest spoke as if he truly knew Sue and her family even though they had just met a few days before.
Josie's theme of her eulogy was "Bittersweet". Her mother's death was an end to a period of suffering - for both Sue and her family. But, it also meant she was no longer here on this earth - no longer here to visit, to talk to, to touch.
Josie then told us a story that really gave a picture of her mother and her strong faith. Josie's third child was a girl, born premature and battling frequent seizures. Early in her life little Kelsey was hospitalized and hovered between life and death. The doctors were not optimistic. Sue, ever faithful and confident in God's promise of life everlasting, grabbed her daughter by the shoulders and told her that she would gladly give her life to save the life of her granddaughter.
Kelsey miraculously recovered and few months later Sue was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's.
Brad gave us a story from his youth. How he was afraid of death and his mom took him aside and assured him there was nothing to be worried about. First, he would live a long and full life. Second, when he did die he would get to go to heaven. And Sue had a very specific idea of what heaven was. She told him heaven was the best of everything - all he could ever want. Her heaven was a warm beach, where she could read books to her hearts content, and would see all her friends and relatives who were already there.
What a wonderful picture...
Today Gary and his family are burying Sue's ashes.
While it will be a painful day, bringing back the memory of Sue's long and painful disease, I hope it will also be a day that brings her family together in healing.
I hope the day brings closure to them as they remember the love that radiated from Sue every day of her life.
I hope they remember her smile, her sense of humor and her faith in all things good.
I hope the day brings their family together, heals their wounds and helps them move forward in their lives.
Sue is watching over them - of that I am sure. While she is no longer here in a physical body, she will always be with them. She will be there for the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings and the times of joy. She will be there during the times of struggle, disappointment, and sadness - being that little voice that says, "this too will pass."
Sue would not want them to live in the past, but to move on into the future with joy.
Thank you Sue, for a life well lived...
