Artist Dates

The Artist's Way has two requirements - write in your morning pages every day and go on an artist date, by yourself, once a week.

I am really consistent with writing my morning pages.  It is part of my daily routine.  I get up, shower, get dressed, prepare a cup of coffee, make my bed and write.  I find I enjoy filling three pages with no predetermined theme.  I just let my mind flow onto the paper, knowing that no one will ever read these pages and potentially judge me.  It gives me a chance to let go, and I never let go.

It is kind of freeing.

I also noticed patterns.  I write about some consistent issues in the course of my morning pages.  Issues I need to act on.  And my morning pages make me think of random memories I had buried long ago.  Things from my childhood.  Things from my teenage years.  Things from my years as a young adult.  People who dismiss and limit my attempts at creativity.  People who support me.  Fears and uncertainties.  Hopes and dreams.  My rambling turns into insight.

Too bad I haven't figured out how to do the artist date.

It is so hard to set aside time to do something that is just for me.  Other activities on my to do list always seem more important, more productive and a more appropriate use of my time.  Artist dates are hard because I am programmed to worry about what others will think about me.  It is difficult  to justify doing something creative or silly when I have so many other things on my list.  I have to run to the store first, or make dinner, or go to Pilates, or anything else that will help me avoid this assignment.

So strange.

You would think the artist date is the one thing it would be easy to do.  It should be fun, not stressful. I can come up with lots of great ideas - go to the zoo, go to the Botanic Gardens, go to the Butterfly Pavilion, go to the Adams County History Museum, to to the Molly Brown house, go on a hike, go out for breakfast, just go.  I live in Colorado.  The state is full of opportunities.  And artist dates don't have to be complicated.  They can be as simple as painting a picture, doing a craft project, wandering around my favorite store, buying an ice cream cone, listening to a record, taking a walk, enjoying a hot cup of coffee on the deck and simply soaking in the scenery.  Really, going on an artist date means doing anything that is fun just for the sake of fun.  

Why is that so hard?

My little artist is bored and forgotten.  All we ever do are things I was going to do anyway.  We join together in my avoidance activities.  Things like watching TV or Netflix (any program will do), reading a book, cooking dinner, listening to a podcast.  When we could be doing something, anything, that will make us both joyful.  I guess I need to think of my little artist as an actual person separate from myself.  Maybe then I would take better care of her.

No Reading Allowed

No reading for a week.

You have got to be kidding me!   How can anyone not read for a full week?  That isn't even possible.  I have to read for work - sort of.  Okay, mostly I read emails while I work.  And occasionally check out random stories on the internet.  Somehow, I don't think work emails were what the author of The Artist's Way was referring to.  I believe the object was to not read for pleasure in my spare time.

What does giving up reading have to do with recovering a sense of identity?

Reading is such an integral part of my life, I could not believe I was to go a week without doing so.  And technically, I didn't.  I wanted to finish the silly bit of fluff book I was reading first.  A little selfish, a little defiant (for once in my life not blindly following directions), and maybe a little scared.  If I couldn't read, what would I do?

And that is the very challenge of not reading.

If I couldn't pick up a book that meant I had to find something else to fill my time.  I'd like to say I painted a picture, or sang a song, or even organized my closet.  But, nope.  Mostly I watched television.  And it was not even good television.  It was just a mindless time filler until the clock said I should get ready for bed.

Instead of all this creative energy pouring out of me...I watched TV.

This challenge put a spotlight on all I do to avoid letting my creativity loose.  For some reason, I am still afraid to get out there and try new, maybe crazy, activities.  Instead, I get lost in a book - someone else's artistry.  I watch television when I could be doing anything else.  I have yet to give myself permission to explore my creativity.

I am working on creating a space for myself.

I have a corner in my bedroom set up with a comfy chair and ottoman, surrounded by windows and flanked by an end table filled with my morning pages notebook, pens, some books, a pretty lamp and plenty of room for a steaming coffee mug.  But, it is not really private.  It works for contemplation, but not for creativity.  So, I also started to set up an artist space in one of our spare bedrooms.  It will be a space for me to retreat and experiment without interruption.  I will soon have a room in which to paint, sew, write, craft, learn an instrument or anything else I want to try.

My own private space...it's a beginning.