I'm Done - Yeah, Right...

My thoughts on December 22:

I'm done - no more Christmas preparations allowed.

I have been busy baking cookies, putting up decorations, shopping for presents.

I could do more - but I am declaring the prep work to be done...now it is time to sit back and enjoy the holidays.

I mean REALLY enjoy - spending time with friends and relatives, really listening to what they have to say; savoring the tastes of this season and not eating mindlessly just because the food is there;  relaxing and not feeling like I have to make sure everything about the holiday is perfect for everyone else.

Here's what actually happened:

I arrived home after a full day of work on Tuesday to the welcome cries of my in-laws who had flown in that morning to spend the holidays with us.  I greeted them and immediately fell into hostess mode - what can I do for you?  Did you get some cookies?  Would you like something to drink?  Let me start making dinner...  Do I need help?  No -  you just relax - I have it under control...

The next morning I was up early - time for a haircut (who in their right mind books a haircut for Christmas week?) and then hurried back home so I could offer my car to our guests.  Of course, as I pulled into the garage I noticed that my daughter still had not put her license plates on her car - and I enter the house in a whirlwind of judgement...  She promised me she would get that done the last time I saw her - how could my priority not be hers?  After a little craziness on my part (sorry family) we finally decided that Grandma and Grandpa should take my car to eat lunch and run errands while Kaitlyn and I would take her car, stop at a car parts store to get the needed screws (thank you to the very nice young man who not only found the correct screws, but installed her plates right then and there), go to lunch, and then take in a movie.  Relax - but keep on schedule girl...

Christmas Eve I got up early so I could run to the grocery store and join the other last minute shoppers who were purchasing their essentials for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  I had my list and was checking it twice - wait, how could King Sooper not have all the items I needed?  Quick - on to Walmart - I knew exactly where they kept the pinwheel appetizers and mini-quiches - I mean, how could I not provide all the goodies I promised my guests for the Christmas Eve feast?

Hurry home (because now I am late and no longer on schedule) to begin chopping and cutting and frying; preparing foods for today and tomorrow.  I have a mission - the holiday feast must be perfect.  Everyone must be happy.  There is no room for error.

Thank goodness for my daughter - she basically told me to STOP.  And we went for a long walk.

When I pointed out a friends house as we walked by - she asked if we were going to stop and say hi.  Oh my - we might be intruding - they are probably busy - do you think they would mind?  Turns out - daughter knows best.  They were happy to see us - and offered us a much needed drink of water and a few minutes of Christmas hospitality. 

And then we were home and the craziness started back up.  Appetizers in the oven.  Serving dishes set up just so - is everything in the right order?  Did we use the Christmas dishes?  What did we forget?  Time to eat - everyone around the table - a little more conversation - we have to get ready for church! 

Go...go...go...

I think you get the gist of my dilemma.

I wanted to be the happy, relaxed person of my dreams - but that is not who I am.

I am a slightly crazy perfectionist who worries way too much about what others will think if I fail to meet my own unrealistic expectations.  And heaven forbid if you are part of my family and you don't put those same high expectations on yourself.  (Sorry family.)

I know I can't keep up this way - no one can. 

People fail - I am a person - hence I will fail...  And so will my family...  And my friends.  Because we are human.  God doesn't expect us to be perfect - so why do I expect perfection of myself?  If I have any prayer for myself it is this - try to be more forgiving (of myself and others) - and not be afraid of failure.  To trust in God to help me as I struggle to see myself as He sees me - a wonderful part of His creation.

So, to all you other wonderful pieces of God's creation - Merry Christmas and may you enjoy a season full of peace and forgiveness. 

Can you hear me now?

Lately I have been saying the same prayer over and over again - "Lord, help me find a purpose."  And then I ask God to send me a sign - something to help me figure out what I should be doing with my life.

Problem is, when God talks, I don't really listen.

I am part of a women's group though my church that meets once a month.  I was a little nervous about going to this months meeting because I didn't know what we were going to discuss.  Instead of reading a book throughout the year as we had done in the past, this year is more of a free-form meeting - a different topic each month.  As someone who likes to come prepared, this new format is a little disconcerting for me.  And wouldn't you know it, this month's topic was finding balance in your life - figuring out where faith fits into our daily life.  Almost as if God was listening to my prayer and providing me with a nudge - too bad I wasn't really paying attention.

As part of the meeting, I mentioned that I felt more connected to church when my daughter was younger - I was a Sunday school teacher, a confirmation guide, even was on the youth committee where I planned and chaperoned over-nighters for the kids.  Pastor Kathy said she could get me more involved...and I laughed. 

God, were you talking to me?  Still not paying attention.

Same night, my friend Linda said she was thinking about going to Wednesday night church  and I said I have thought about it too.  She brought it up again on that Saturday night when our Dinner for Eight group got together and I said we have thought about it too, but I hesitated to say "yes, we should".  I am not sure why, but I just couldn't make the commitment.

God, you may have to hit me harder over the head as I am obviously not paying attention.

Sunday, there were flyers in the church bulletin looking for people who would be ambassadors once a month taking welcome gift bags to people who had attended one of our services that month.  I thought to myself, "I could do that."  All I needed to do was write my name on a piece of paper and put it in the offering plate.  And did I?  I think you can guess the answer. 

This week I saw a recipe on Facebook for Buffalo Chicken Chili posted by a friend of mine.  It looked so good I just had to share.  And who should comment on my post?  Pastor Kathy with "You know, there is a chili cook-off this Wednesday at church".  I "liked" her comment and started to think.

I seem to be getting lots of signs from God lately and basically ignoring them.  What am I waiting for? 

Today I received an email from our choir director inviting me to come to Wednesday night practice and be part of the Christmas Festival.  He even said it was okay if I missed the kick-off retreat this Saturday (which I did).  God is most definitely persistent. 

So, I have decided it is time I start to paying attention to the signs God is throwing my way.  He has shown me the answer to my prayer...now I just need to take the next step and follow through.  As in the joke about the man who keeps praying to God to let him win the lottery - God finally has to say to the man, "you have to help me out here - buy a ticket!"

Well Lord, I am about to buy my ticket.  I finally heard You.  I am going to step out of my comfort zone and get involved with one of the opportunities You have so graciously laid out in front of me.

Chili cook-off at church?  Lets see how they like my new recipe - I have all day to prepare it since I don't work on Wednesday's anymore.  (I know, I know - my eyes were closed to this sign too - not working on Wednesday's gives me more time to seek out new opportunities to serve - I see it now.)

To Andy and the church choir - I will see you at practice on Wednesday night.  Singing with you at the Christmas Festival sounds wonderful.  To Linda, let's see what the bible study is next year and plan to go on Wednesday nights.

Funny how we pray for God to show us the way - but when He does we tend to ignore the message.  I guess it is time to start paying more attention.  Who knows what we might hear...

Elliemae - Thank you for being my friend

Today I lost a good friend.

She was with us through the good times and bad times.  She taught us as much as we taught her (some would say she ruled the house.)  She took on our Colorado adventure as hers and made many new friends along the way.

All she ever wanted out of life was our love and affection - and she lavishly gave hers in return. 

This morning, after ten faithful years with us, our furry little child, Elliemae, took her place in dog heaven.

So, in her honor, I am writing in celebration of all things that were Ellie - the things she loved and the things we loved about her.

When I think of Ellie I see her watching out the window - waiting to see what excitement was going on in the neighborhood, watching the kids play outside, and just willing for us to come home so she could dance her little twirly dance before being picked up and hugged. Back in Ham Lake, Ellie discovered the joy of perching on the back of the loveseat where she could watch the world go by from the safety of our living room window.  When we moved to Colorado, I would see her peaking out the blinds of the sliding glass doors in our condo, waiting and watching.  Once we built our house she discovered multiple places to keep watch - the windows by the front door, on the bed so she could look out the back windows, the open door to the deck where she would lay just inside the house on the kitchen mat, safe and sound.

I picture Ellie "hiking" her toys through her back legs like a football player - a interesting game she performed over and over again.  It always made me smile.

Speaking of games, she also taught us just how to play "hide the bone".  Ellie would carry her pizzle stick around the house, carefully searching for just the right place to "hide" it.  As a puppy, she would place it on the couch or floor and "bury" it with her nose, scooping up invisible dirt to cover it up.  Older and wiser, she learned her hiding was more effective when she put it behind a pillow or under a throw - followed up by pushing the imaginary dirt over her hiding spot.  Then she would roll on the floor and look to the human in the room to find her treasure.  She would whine until you started to search and celebrate when you finally found it. (I remember one time, Nancy was dog sitting for us and she had to text to ask why our dog was meowing at her. We forgot to tell her about the game!)  Ellie encouraged us to think like dogs and if you were Lance, you pretended to nibble on the pizzle before you tossed it back to her.  Once the ritual was complete she would settle down and chew on it for the rest of the night.

Ellie had an uncanny sense of when you were just about done eating - whether it was taking that last bite of dinner, the final scrape of ice cream in your bowl, or grabbing a quick snack out of the refrigerator.  She would be by your side in a flash patiently waiting for you to finish so she could lick the remnants.  She was a terrific pre-wash cycle!

Ellie hardly ever barked - just when someone rang the doorbell.  It didn't take the pizza delivery guy long to realize this and knock when he came to our door. 

Ellie loved to go on walks and she went on a lot of them.  Lance would take her each morning and I would take her each night.  Despite the fact that she looked like a fluffy white lap dog, she could sniff like the best of her cocker spaniel ancestors.  Thinking of my big tough husband walking that little white fluff ball on her leash still makes me smile.  Moving to Colorado meant Ellie joined us on our mountain hikes which she loved (except the one time we got caught in a rain shower - she was not too happy getting soaked!)

Ellie learned to ring a bell hanging from the patio door in the kitchen whenever she needed to go out to relieve herself - or when she just felt like going out - or when she wanted attention - or when she wanted you to go bed.  We became quite adept at interpreting her message.

Ellie was great at identifying and opening her Christmas gifts.  She would carefully unwrap each gift, politely play with it, and then eagerly wait for the next one.  My best memory was last year's Christmas when she came out to the family room before anyone else got up, searched under the tree, found a gift addressed to her (it was a toy, so no smell to guide her), tore open the wrapping paper and waited for the rest of us to join her. 

Some additional "one-liners" to sum her up:

She loved to sleep between Lance and me - head facing me and her butt facing Lance.

She adored "doggie daycare" at the vets office and made tons of friends - human and canine.

She could play chase with other dogs forever and ever - around and around the house.

She hated cold, snow, and rain - especially once we moved to Colorado.

She could sit, shake, and lay down on command.

She loved to play tug.

She would come when called - if she felt like it!

She thought rabbit droppings were an exotic treat.

She took her daily insulin shots without a flinch.

She had a way of sensing when you needed her cuddle.

She had a gentle personality and would politely sit for little children to pet her.

She remembered people - especially our old neighbors - no matter how long it had been since she had last seen them.

She knew how to make us all smile.

Ellie will be missed by everyone who was lucky enough to know her.  I am forever grateful we were some of those lucky people.

Advice to the Graduate (while trying to avoid clichés and platitudes)

My daughter tells me that when I don’t know what to say, I tend to default to clichés and platitudes.

"Whatever will be, will be.”  (Que Sera, Sera for those of you old enough to remember Doris Day.)

“Behind every cloud is a silver lining.”

“When one door closes, another one opens.”

Unfortunately, she is correct.

When Kaitlyn asked me to give her some life advice based on my mistakes and triumphs over the years I said I would give it a shot – and try to avoid clichés (which is tougher than I thought it would be!)

So, to my college graduate and only daughter, here goes – advice from the heart:

While graduation may seem like an ending – it is really just a beginning. (That may be a bit cliché, but bear with me.) You are ending a phase of your life that centered around getting good grades and attending classes; impromptu parties with room-mates and trips to the mountains; working part-time jobs for the extras while your parents took care of college tuition and room and board. But, you are about to enter a whole new exciting time of choices, adventure, friends, triumphs, road trips and embarrassing mistakes. It may be scary to think of yourself as an adult with a “real” job, a grownup apartment and bills you didn’t realize you would have to pay, but it will be fun!

I was so excited to start my life as a college graduate that I jumped into the first job offered to me. As it turns out, it was a good decision for many reasons, but not one I lost much sleep over. They told me I would work at least 48 hours a week and would be salaried (so no overtime) and I said no problem. They offered me a salary that was not much more than I made working as a courtesy counter person for the Eau Claire Co-op while I was in college and I said yes. They told me I would have to move to Duluth for training and could be transferred anywhere in the country on a weeks’ notice and I said wonderful.

My first piece of advice – don’t over think your choices. Sometimes the spontaneous decisions are the best ones.

When I was transferred to Mitchell, South Dakota I eagerly packed my car and pulled a trailer behind me as I prepared for my next adventure. I had never been farther west than Minnesota, depended on a road atlas to guide me, and pulled a trailer that was probably too big for my little car. But, I had no concerns about arriving safely at my destination and embracing my new life. Thinking back, I was pretty naïve and I did have some cash stolen when I left it sitting on the passenger seat with the window open as I was stopped at a gas station -- which leads to life lesson number two:

Know where your money is at all times.

I mean this both literally and figuratively. I know it sounds really conservative, but put money in a 401K or IRA (even if it is only ten dollars a week) and have a savings account with enough money to live on for three to six months. I realize you will have to build to this, but you never know what the future will bring and sometimes it is better to be prepared for the worst case scenario – even if nothing bad ever happens. If your life is all roses – then you will have a nice nest egg to invest in a good cause, donate to your favorite charity, or just splurge with.

So -- platitude alert -- expect the best, but prepare for the worst.

I moved to Mitchell without knowing a soul, but ended up meeting my future husband (and Kaitlyn's father) along with a lot of other terrific people I still keep in touch with. Because of my room-mate’s black and white cat named “DC” I learned that some felines are not so bad. I learned that you can have fun in a small town if you just open yourself up to the opportunities.  I learned that a bowling league can be pretty darn entertaining.  I learned to be organized, how to get others to want to work hard without being a witch, and the importance of trying new things.  I became a runner and stopped smoking (very bad habit - glad Kaitlyn never got on that wagon train!).

Bottom line - let yourself be open to try new things and don't be afraid to put yourself out there - even if it means admitting you are not always going to be perfect in your efforts.

It was not until I was married and had a beautiful little girl did I realize my life was lacking in one major area.  I had forgotten about the faith I grew up with - let it slip to the sidelines of my life - looking to God only in times of crisis or out of a sense of obligation.  I was an occasional worshiper - going to church on holidays and for weddings or funerals.  My life was missing a critical piece, but I didn't realize it at the time.  I needed you to remind of that.

Don't make the mistake of thinking you can do it all alone - and if you fall away from your faith, remember, God is very forgiving.  He loves you and will always be there for you.

I have made so many friends over the years.  They all were a very important part of my life when I needed them most.  My old high school group - while we only see each other on rare occasions now, the years just melt away when we get together (much to our husbands' chagrin).  The basketball mom's - they made me feel like part of a big family as we shared hopes and dreams for our daughters, along with the challenges of raising teenagers.  Though our girls have moved on to separate lives in different cities, I still love getting together with the moms, catching up with what is going on in their lives and the lives of their families.  My Minnesota work friends - while I now live in Colorado I still love to reach out to them - even if it is just to say hi or to "like" something on Facebook they posted.  

 Make a point to keep in touch with old friends and extended family.  Friends come into your lives for a reason.   Don't forget about them just because you no longer see them on a regular basis. 

As a teen, I loved being in the choir and part of the high school musicals.  I lost that in college.  Fortunately, I met your father who enjoyed attending plays and concerts - and did not give up that love just because he was in college.  I still remember the first time I saw Jesus Christ Superstar live on a professional stage with Lance in Sioux Falls.  Amazing!  We continued this tradition of seeing plays even after we were married - eventually getting season tickets to the Ordway in St. Paul and planning vacations that centered around local art or plays.  We always enjoyed going to craft fairs as a couple and I indulged my artistic nature by decorating the house and creating floral wall hangings and arrangements.  I began to sing again at church in choirs, worship bands, and as a cantor -- not realizing how much I missed the joy music brought to me.

Keep art in your life.  You are very talented and creative and it would be a shame to let that part of you drop by the wayside.  We all need those artistic moments in our lives that make us smile.

When Lance and I were dating we would visit my parents and while I sat in the kitchen talking to my mom, he would be in the living room listening to my father's stories about serving in WWII, working as a cookee in a lumber camp, and anything else my dad wanted to share.  My husband probably knows more about my dad's life than I do - and that makes me a bit sad.  You still have parents (and grandparents) who probably like to reminisce too much, but these are important stories.  When I was hit in they eye with a baseball while I lived in Duluth - who did I call?  Mom, of course.  When I was in labor, the first person I called was my mother as I had no idea what to expect.  The older I get, the more I wish I would have paid better attention to what both my parents had to say, especially since they are no longer here to share their wisdom.
  
That brings me to my final word of advise - really listen to your parents and other important family members, not just hear them (blah, blah, blah).  You may not always want to pay attention to what they have to say, but believe me when I tell you, you will wish you had listened more when they are no longer here.

And that, dear graduate, is my life advise.  I hope some of it strikes a cord with you - but I won't be offended if it doesn't all make sense right now.  Someday it will.

Congratulations Kaitlyn - you are about to enter a new and exciting phase of your life that will be filled with triumphs and mistakes.  Don't let the mistakes get you down - learn a lesson from them.  And celebrate the triumphs, but don't let them go to your head - no one likes a know-it-all!

My college graduation with my parents.

With my sister Linda and brother Ross.

Unconditional Love and Support (with Conditions?)

My daughter is graduating from college in May.  And she is worried she is going to disappoint us with her choices.

I told her she could never disappoint us - as long as she was happy, found a job, and could pay her bills...

Why did I feel the need to add the caveat?

Why could I not just say, we will love you no matter what you do?

Truth is, we all have different agendas.  I do want Kaitlyn to be happy and find a job that she loves and be able to pay the bills.  But, if she doesn't, I will still love her and support her.  She is, after all, my daughter.

We talk about unconditional love and support - but is there really such a thing? 

When you hold that newborn baby in your arms for the first time - that is the closest thing to unconditional love I can think of.  You don't care what anyone else thinks - that child is perfect in your eyes.

As they grow older, you realize they are not perfect - and it is unfair to hold them to such a high standard.  Their imperfections make them who they are - and you love them for that.  But loving them does not mean you always support them.  (Face it - teenagers can make some really questionable choices and need parental guidance - not just support.)

I think sometimes we project expectations for ourselves onto our children and spouse.

It is fair to expect them to fulfill goals that we really mean for ourselves?

I will always love my family - but that doesn't mean I don't have some hopes and dreams for them. 

I want to grow old with my husband - go on adventures with him - see Kailtyn graduate college and have a fulfilling career - watch her get married some day to a wonderful man who will be her perfect match - and spoil our future grandchildren.  But, if this doesn't happen as I envision, I will not stop loving Lance or Kaitlyn.  I will just have to accept that my plan is not always God's plan.

And that is not easy because I like to be in control.

Letting go is hard.

So, when Kaitlyn took a job I said congratulations and (not so secretly) cheered because it seemed like such a good fit.

When she told me her current GPA was high enough to graduate with distinction, but she probably wouldn't because she was just not as focused this semester getting A's, I had to work extremely hard to bury the pushy mother in me and say that was okay.  (I obviously didn't do a very good job as Kaitlyn said she wished she had never mentioned it to me - oh well.)

So, here is my goal for myself:  Love unconditionally - and support the best I can. 

Will I make mistakes?  You can bet on that. 

Will I cringe when I hear myself say "but...maybe...if you just..."?  I am sure I will. 

Will my family understand and love me unconditionally?  I hope so...

The Runner in my Dreams...

According to my pedometer I walked approximately two hundred seventy miles in the last two months.

Basically, I walked from Minneapolis to Duluth...and back.

That is over 570,000 steps.

In two months...

Ten thousand steps a day - which is about five miles - it's become kind of an obsession on my part. Just ask my husband or daughter.

It is good to have a goal. When I first started tracking my steps I was barely walking five thousand steps in a day. But once I started to get to ten thousand on a regular basis I couldn't stop. I HAD to walk til I met my goal. And believe me, with the weather we have been having the last couple of weeks, it isn't easy. I have had some lunchtime walks in pretty cold weather and still had to find creative ways to complete my steps for the day.

At first, I felt guilty if I came home from work and after taking Ellie for a walk, headed down to the basement to get those last thousand steps in on my treadmill. Funny thing is, Lance doesn't care. He thinks it is "cute" that I can't quit before I have all my steps in. And Ellie, well she just waits outside the door of the unfinished part of the basement (where the treadmill is) until I am done. Bonus, because I am either walking Ellie or walking myself, Lance gets dinner ready making whatever meal I pulled out for the evening.

So, why am I still not satisfied with my progress?

As they say, we are our own harshest critic.

You see, deep down I want to be a runner.

I see myself gliding down the street - never out of breath - knees not aching - effortless.

And then reality sets in.

Running is hard work.

When I was in middle school I was on the track team for one season. I ran the half mile - and always struggled to compete. I didn't understand that to run a half-mile in a meet I needed to run and run and run for miles - every day. I needed to run much more than just the half-mile event I was competing in. I needed to be committed to my goal...and I really wasn't.

Still, I remember the one time I placed third in a meet. I had a very poor time - barely made it over the finish line - and my legs felt like lead weights. But I did it - I was a medal winner.

I may have struggled to finish - but people were cheering me on and it felt great!

When I was in my twenties I got the running bug again. I was living in the town of Huron, South Dakota, worked odd hours, had no real friends, just biding my time until I could move to Minneapolis to be with my future husband. I had nothing else to do with my spare time - so I ran. I ran in the early evening when I got home from work, in the mornings when I worked at night, and in the afternoons when I was lonely. I first attempted to conquer a mile and mostly walked. But I didn't give up and kept trying - day after day. Then one afternoon I was running and BOOM - I felt like I could go forever. I was gliding down the street - not out of breath - and nothing hurt. Wow.

I loved that feeling.

I think that is why I don't want to admit I may be a better walker than a runner.

I once experienced the runner's high - and want it back.

I have attempted to run since moving to Colorado. That first year I used to take Ellie for a short walk after work and then attempt to run a mile in the open space behind our condo. I was never able to run a full mile - mostly did the run/walk thing. But, I did participate in a 5K with my daughter that spring and it felt pretty darn good (even though I walked as much - or more - than I ran). The competitor in me was excited that I completed the run in under my goal of forty-five minutes. The pessimist in me wanted to know why I didn't do better.

I told you - my own worst critic.

My biggest issue with running today...I am thirty years older and thirty pounds heavier than the last time I truly considered myself a runner.  My body (and mind) complains more when I try to run. It tells me this is hard with every creak of my knee, ache of my muscles and strained breath.

And yet, I still want to run a 5K.

Is that silly? Maybe. Am I grudgingly getting up at 5:15am two weekday mornings to train on the treadmill? Yes and I struggle to do so since I am not even remotely close to being a morning person.  Thank goodness for my one weekend session - at least I don't have to get up early three days a week.  I don't really enjoy my treadmill time (even though I get to watch Netflix for a half hour while I work on following my 5K app).  It is a struggle to run even four minutes.  I've been stuck on Week Four, Day One for over a week.  Ugh!  I am hoping the weather improves so I can try running outside.  Maybe I will enjoy it more? 

No matter, I am going to continue to run and walk to the best of my ability.  And I will complete a 5K this year - happy to finish no matter what the outcome.

Goals are good. 

Progress, no matter how slow, is good.

Remaining positive about myself  - celebrating the small victories -  is really good.

Success - Faithfulness to the Process

"You are a success every day you get up and show up for duty…. Everyday of faithfulness where you are with what you have is a successful day…Confusing success with the rewards of success is one of the primary reasons people abandon their dreams. In the meantime we must see success for what it is: faithfulness to the process.”  -- Andy Stanley

It is now February and its been one month since I announced to the world (okay, to those who read this blog) my new year's goals:

     1. Adopt a healthier lifestyle – including eating better and moving more.
     2. Make two new healthier meals a month from scratch.
     3. Jog an entire 5K by late spring.
     4. Hike at least two new trails with Lance this summer.
     5. Sing special music at church at least one time this year.

So, how am I doing?

Pretty good – but not as good as I thought I would be.  That is hard for me to admit and still consider myself successful in my quest. Unfortunately, I am one of those people who think they should be able to do everything perfectly – instantly. So, I have to keep reminding myself this is a process and faithfulness to the process is what makes me a success.

Instead of dwelling on what I still can't do or didn't do yet, I am cheering myself on for what I am doing.  And when I fall a little - or fail to meet my extremely high expectations - I have to remind myself, baby steps. 

Everyday we keep trying is a good day.

I started with a simple change - drink at least eight glasses of water a day.  To be fair, I have always been a water drinker (but not that many glasses!).  I just don't like the carbonation of soda pops. They don't really quench my thirst.  Interestingly, because I am drinking more water, I find myself drinking less coffee at work - which means I drink more water - win/win.  This doesn't mean I have given up coffee or the occasional Northern Lite Latte.  I just drink coffee when I really want a cup - not out of habit.

I also made a very conscious effort to eat better. 

Five fruits and vegetables a day - you betcha!  And the funny thing is, it wasn't that hard to do.  Add some veggies to that sandwich, fruit to my oatmeal, snack on an apple or carrots, serve a salad or veggie with dinner - not hard, just a change in my mindset.  Best of all, I feel better. 

All the cookies and junk food that we were constantly nibbling on at work and home over the Christmas holiday's really did me in.  I felt sluggish all the time. 

Too bad I didn't make that correlation sooner...

I slowly worked my way up to 10,000 steps a day (on most days).  That is a lot of walking!  I can't always get as many steps in as I like, but I try.  And sometimes I surprise myself when I realize I have gone way over.  Don't get me wrong.  It takes some conscious decisions to get there.  Walks at lunchtime when the weather cooperates - and walking around Target when it doesn't.  (Target employees probably wonder what the crazy lady is doing - walking up and down every aisle and only to buy a couple of things in health and beauty!)  Squeezing in break time walks with coworkers and taking the longer route with Ellie on our evening walk. 

Every little bit helps.

I talked to Kaitlyn about running a 5k with me this spring and we are trying to find a date that will work for both of us. 

My training began last week - very tentative right now, but I have made a commitment to this by scheduling three (very early) mornings a week on the treadmill.  Okay, full disclosure, I have done day one of my training app four days in a row - but I am on to day two this week!  Just committing to this challenge is success... I am not a morning person, but before work is the only time I have free. 

I can't wait for the day I actually enjoy running like I did when I was many, many years younger.

Now some fun stuff - I am cooking meals from scratch again!  I found three new recipes that I tried last month and have included links so you, too can try them.  Pineapple Black Bean Enchiladas (yummy!), Caribbean Mango Pork Stew (wonderful!), and Orange Dijon Pork Chops (mmmm).  All three are healthy, combine ingredients I would not think of putting together on my own, and very tasty.  I am really getting into searching on-line, in my old recipe books and going through my collection of interesting recipes cut out of magazines over the years for our next "feature" meal.

So, what am I learning from this process?

First, I need to be more patient with myself.  I lost about seven pounds and three inches my first month, and am walking about five miles almost every day.  But, instead of celebrating that achievement, I worry about the fact that I lost no weight this past week and can barely run for a minute without getting tired. 

I guess I haven't totally embraced this new definition of success.  I am still looking for the rewards.



And that is okay - after all, success is the faithfulness to the process - and I am definitely working the process. 



So, here's to a new month and new challenges filled with new successes.

 

Baking...

I truly enjoy baking...cakes, cookies, pies, pastries and desserts of all kinds.

For this, I thank my parents. 

You see, Dad loved to eat sweets...and Mom loved Dad.  So, we always had some form of dessert at every meal, the cookie jar was never empty, and the smell of baking always permeated the house. My mom made everything from scratch - and I learned how to bake from watching her.

Baking brings back fond memories.

Homemade cakes, cookies, and pies were such a normal thing at our house that I didn't realize not all homes had an endless supply of sweet treats.  I thought everyone had a recipe box filled with family traditions. And no kitchen was complete without the baking staples - flour, granulated sugar, brown sugar, powdered sugar, vanilla, baking soda, baking powder, chocolate chips and butter or shortening.

Growing up, I didn't realize what how lucky we were. 

I envied my friends who always had store bought cookies in their kitchens - nothing home made.  They, on the other hand, loved coming over to my house where we always had warm cookies coming out of the oven.

I remember visiting my parents when I was in college living on my own and Mom always baked something special to celebrate my homecoming. I had a particular fondness for her Danish Puff Pastry - so simple but so good. She used to make a double batch - one for my visit and one for me to take back to Eau Claire and my roommates. This became a favorite treat - one that I have not had in ages...

When I met Lance and started to bring him along on my visits home Mom not only made one special treat but TWO! For Lance - chocolate chip cookies - always. For me - whatever she was in the mood to make. I guess she thought we each needed our own treat to feel special.

No wonder I have this obsession with baking sweet concoctions as a way to say "I love you"!

A friend of mine told me her mother-in-law once said that everyone needs a signature dessert.  Something that they could be known for.  That was why she got her granddaughter a Crème Brule kit for a wedding gift - it was the perfect signature desert. 

It made me wonder - what would my signature be?

I make a lot of banana bread - and it is pretty good if I say so myself.  But I don't think that really counts as dessert.  Plus, the reason I make so much banana bread is that we don't eat our bananas fast enough - so bread they become!

I guess my signature dessert is variety...

Now that I am trying to live a healthier me - and by default so is my husband - I am attempting to figure out how I keep baking without sabotaging our efforts.

You see, baking goodies brings me pleasure.  I enjoy finding new recipes to try.  I like the mixing, forming, and creativity of putting together a tasty treat.  I love the smells that take over the house when I am baking.  And I can't wait to see the smiles and hear the sighs of enjoyment as the dessert disappears from sight. 

Sharing special food with others is a way of sharing my love.

So, is there such a thing as a healthy, tasty dessert?  I am about to find out...

This is my new challenge - because I can't give up this delicious way of showing my love and friendship. 

The search in on...

Happy New Year!

How does the saying go? “A new year – a new you…” Seems like you can’t avoid the sales pitch this time of year when everyone is working on their New Year’s resolutions. Now is time to make a change.

It is kind of funny, Lance and I seem to both have made the same resolution – but never told the other about it.

I noticed that Lance has been trying to eat healthier – and so am I. Yet neither of us mentioned that we wanted to start a new track on life.

Wonder why?

I think it is because we are both not sure we want to be held accountable in case we “fail.”

Well, I guess we are now being held accountable (sorry Lance).

Or at least I am.

Over the last six years I found myself gaining an average of five pounds a year (yes, you can do the math). I realized I am leading a very sedentary life as I sit at a desk most of my week days and in front of a TV at night. Blahhhh! I am tired too often, lose my breath too easily on the rare occasions I do something physical, and am feeling a little “blue” more often than I should.

Bottom line: I no longer like what I have become or what I see in the mirror (or in photographs – that New Year’s Eve photo was a real eye opener – I thought I was hiding those rolls of fat…)

So, I have decided to do something about it.

In the past I tended to go all gung ho with life changes, trying to make a zillion adjustments at once - keeping the resolution my little secret – which usually leads to disappointment when I don't to keep up. (This is most likely why I seldom tell anyone I am making a change - the perfectionist in me hates to let others know I failed.)

This time I am  going to be more like the turtle – slow and steady wins the race.

Changes need to come one step at a time.

My starting point: using Healthy Blue (a program available to everyone at my company through our health insurance) as my guide. I am paying more attention to what I am eating and drinking (including when and why); trying to add more fruits, vegetables, and whole grains to my diet. I found logging everything that goes in my mouth is a real eye opener – and makes me plan better. I started wearing a pedometer and logging my steps daily as a motivation to get off my butt.  And will soon be adding exercise to my life...what a concept!

This is not a diet – it is a lifestyle change. 

And posting this for others to see is SCARY...

…………………………

My New Year’s Challenges

1. Adopt a healthier lifestyle – including eating better and moving more.
2. Make two new healthier meals a month from scratch.
3. Jog an entire 5K by late spring.
4. Hike at least two new trails with Lance this summer.
5. Sing special music at church at least one time this year.

.........................................

I will keep you posted on my progress.....