Why do we hold up some scars in triumph while we bury others in shame?
My body is covered with reminders of childhood incidents. I have a little X on my right eyebrow from running into a brick wall during gym class in grade school. There is the scar on my knee from falling off the front handlebar of my cousin’s bike. I also have a mark just under my chin where the front of our toboggan slammed into me as we zoomed down the mogul area of the local sledding hill.
While traumatic at the time, the scars are reminders of that little girl who didn't back off of adventure because of fear.
The back of my hand reveals a scar from my college days, the result of tripping over an uneven sidewalk and scraping my hand on the hard cement. There is the mark between my eyebrows where my metal eyeglass frame slammed into the bedpost and my face as I was bending over to pick something up off the floor. I have a long, red scar from my belly button down to my pelvic bone – a constant reminder that ignoring pain can result in emergency surgery for a ruptured appendix.
As I matured, the incidents and resulting scars tend to be reminders of feeling foolish, rather than signs of bravery.
What changed?
Surprisingly to me, most of the scars I spoke about have disappeared from my body. They only one I can find is the scar from my appendix surgery. I remember them all so clearly, can see them so vividly, and yet they are not where they should be.
I am shocked.
I held on to the memories for years, assuming the scars would always be there to remind me of my childhood, my courage, my foolishness. Now they are gone. And maybe that is a good thing. Childhood memories are meant to fade in importance. We shouldn't beat ourselves up indefinitely over mistakes we made in our youth. We should live in the present and anticipate the future, not grieve the past.
What have we learned?
When I think about my childhood, I was a cautious little girl. The scars I remember came because I stepped outside of my comfort zone...and sometimes got hurt. I could use this as confirmation I should not take chances because something bad might happen. Or, I could think about how I didn't let my fear stop me from taking a risk. That I overcame my insecurities and lived to tell the tale.
When I reflect on my awkward, embarrassing teen and young adult years I realize the scars are evidence that even the most foolish events are just that - an passing event that happened in a fraction of my life. I am not proud of all the things I did without thinking, but I survived and those events made me the person I am today. I do not have to live in the past.
Sometimes, near tragedy can be the beginning of something wonderful.
The rupturing of my appendix was the catalyst to write a blog. I always enjoyed writing and even composed a couple of pieces prior to my surgery. But, laying in a hospital room for almost a week gave me the time, topic and incentive to start writing on a regular basis. It also prompted me to highlight the warning signs of appendicitis to friends and family.
Good can come out of bad.
I am lucky. I don't have very many external scars anymore. And the internal scars have faded away, too. The internal scarring can be harder to deal with, to heal, but it can be done. The process is not be as easy as watching the scar on your chin fade to nothing. It takes understanding of who I was at the time and forgiving both that girl and the other people involved. But, like the visible scars, they do need to heal. And as they heal and fade, we can move on.
A friend of mine recently confronted the source of her torment in a much anticipated and feared meeting. She asked for prayers that she could do what she came to do, say what she needed to say. That she could let go. And on that fateful day, she did just that and walked away. Her healing is by no means complete, but she can now start to move on. She no longer carries the hatred constantly with her. And that is good - her internal scar faded a bit that day.
Unfortunately, none of us can avoid the pain that brings on the scars.
We all have experiences that resulted in physical scars - no matter how careful we were. Accidents happen. Many of us have emotional scars as a result of a foolish act of rebellion, peer pressure or immaturity. Others of us have scars because of the actions of another person who hurt us - no matter if intentionally or unintentionally. They still hurt us emotionally, physically or spiritually. I wish I could make all the painful scars go away with the sweep of my hand - but I can't.
Scars, whether visible, hidden or fading, are a part of us, They form who we are today and who we will be tomorrow. They do not define us, but contribute to how we view ourselves.
Are you on the way to who you want to be?
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