Just Do It!

I am in this weird in-between state right now.

I went back to work (after a failed attempt at retirement) about a year ago.  I work for the same company I left, now calling my time off, a year long sabbatical.  I do pretty much the same job I did just before my premature retirement...a lot of expediting orders, compiling various reports, and random employee training.  I am the safety net for my co-workers..

I feel like I am waiting - but for what?

I committed to work for another two years and I can't spend those years in limbo.  So, I try to figure out how to feel fulfilled while working a job mainly for the paycheck (and insurance).  Don't get me wrong, I work for a good company.  They give me all I could possibly ask for - a four day work week, good health insurance, a nice paycheck, lots of vacation time, and a group of great co-workers.

But I still feel like I am in limbo - between what is and what might be.

The Artist's Way reminded me that I am not defined by my job.  Still, when people ask me what I do I usually refer to my job title.  But, that is not really who I am.  I have so many other interests.  My job is simply a means to an end.  So why the delay in being who and what I want to be?  I find myself thinking,  I'll try something new when I'm retired, when I have more time, when I won't look silly...  If I wait until I am retired (again) to figure out what I want for my life, what will really have changed except that I became two years older?

My husband worries I am overloading myself.

I take a Pilates class twice a week and just signed up to do Orange Theory (another exercise class) once a week.  I recently attended a meeting with a group of mostly retirees who do storytelling at elementary schools. It intrigued me, so I am trying to figure out how to fit in the four week training, learning stories and telling them to school children one day a month while I am still working.  I help at church and do some random volunteer work.  I want to write more, maybe take a class, but when?  And what happened to learning the ukulele?  Or painting more?  Crafting?  Quilting?  Instead of maybe doing too much and then cutting back, I do nothing.

I think it is time, as the Nike ad says, to Just Do It and stop worrying so much.