I didn't realize just how dependent I was on that little piece of electronic wizardry. My life was on that phone and that phone was my lifeline to everyone and everything. All I saw was a picture of a charger cord on my screen and an Apple website URL. I tried to manually reset my phone - nothing. I did it again and again and again - still nothing. I could not do anything more until I returned home to plug into my own computer and I-Tunes account.
I emailed the critical people in my life from work to let them know my phone died...and waited.
I hurried out the door promptly at closing time and headed home - no podcast, no audio book - just the radio and me. Once I got home I turned on my computer, started I-tunes and realized I had to upload the latest IOS version. UHG! After thirty minutes or so I was able to plug in my phone, click update to reinstall IOS and run out the door to my Pilates class - without a phone.
I was more than a little distracted during class. Was my phone updating? Would all my apps and data still be there? Would I be able to make a phone call? If it didn't work, how would I manage until I could get a new phone?
About an hour later I hurried home to find the reset did not work. Since I was not there during this reset, I tried again...and again...and again. While I was waiting, I decided to fix myself a bite to eat. Lance was at a meeting, so it would just be me. Pull out something that's good for you, my brain suggested, you have been so conscientious for so long, don't blow it now. But, whine, whine, my phone isn't working!
So, out came the sharp cheddar and Reduced Fat Triscuit's. Fill up a plate with crackers, add cheese and microwave until it is gooey and ready to devour. Repeat, because you can. So good...and so bad. Next up, some Dove dark chocolates. I haven't had more than one in a day for ages!
Did this temporary fall off the food wagon make my phone magically work? Nope.
Did the junk food make me feel good about myself? Nope.
To fix my phone I ended up doing a total factory reset. Thank goodness most of my information was backed up to the mystical Apple cloud, so I lost very little. I was proud of myself that I did not panic but thought through my options and acted on them.
But, my other reaction to the minor stress bothered me. Why did I turn to food, the recliner and a dumb television show while I figured out what to do next? Why didn't I go for a walk? I try so hard to live a healthy lifestyle, but my immediate instinct was to feel sorry for myself and think, who cares what I do?
Obviously, I am not perfect - far from it.
I make mistakes, bad life choices and over indulge on occasion. I try really hard not to permanently beat myself up about my irrational urges I know it sounds cliche, but I try to remember that tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start - and we all need a clean slate some days.
My daughter (https://www.annieandthelion.com/) wrote that we must confess and repent when we make a mistake I think that to move on we must remember God knows us, loves us, and forgives us all ours sins....and that we should follow His example I believe in His forgiveness and redemption - even for something as minor as mindlessly eating a plateful of cheesy Triscuits in times of stress.
So, I am trying to follow His example and forgive myself...as often as needed.
Thanks Julie - We all go through these "episodes" from time to time. Those influences are self defeating behaviors that need to be replaced with new, life giving behaviors. The operative word is "behavior" and is something that works deeply on a subconscious level to alleviate stress and fear. Learning where it (the SDB) comes from and recognizing it at the next stress point is the work.
ReplyDeleteI was having a conversation with a friend yesterday who almost died from a heart attack (literally) three months ago. She was bemoaning the fact that she hated the new eating plan, because now it had become routine and wasn't exciting and satisfying as the old menus she was used to. I reminded her that the alternative wasn't too good either based on her new health realities. Even with her experience, it was hard for her to admit that these were bad choices.
The struggle is real when we hit the wall of fear and don't want to power through it. So we fail and feel bad and want to walk away. The only healthy alternative, when we don't do it right, is to get get up off the mat and go after it again. By putting your failure out there it has lost its power, at least for this time, and wiped the slate clean for your to try again.
I wish you success on the next stress point and hope you grab some carrots & pea pods as you head out the door with your sneakers on.
Blessings friend, Bill