Thank you for the Music

Dear Pastor Jeff,

Many years ago, you turned around one Sunday morning, looked me in the eye, and asked if I wanted to be part of a new worship band you were putting together.  Why, I will never know.  You saw, or maybe heard, something you knew needed nurturing, encouragement, and community.

With my heart pounding wildly, I said yes.

The years I spent singing gospel music with the worship band at Glen Cary were some of the happiest I remember.  I loved that group of people - you, Carol B, Jim, Roy, John, Becky and Lisa.  We sang gospel songs, improvised harmonies, pushed out of our comfort zones, sang solo verses and duets, and I didn't want our time together to end.

I never thought I was good enough to sing in front of other people.

I never thought I was good enough when my friends and family asked me to sing at their weddings, when I sang solos in church musicals as a teen, even when someone would give me a complement on my singing.  I wanted to be confident in my talents, as good as people told me I was, but I never really believed it.  You told me it didn't matter what I thought, that music came from the heart.  No one expected perfection.  If we were loving what we did and had fun doing it, people would respond.

You were right.

I had fun and made special friendships.  I gained confidence. I wanted to sing and sing and sing.  We made a couple of CD's to share with family and friends.  Then one day you left and the band was never the same.  We lost that creative man who brought us new music, who experimented, who pushed us to try new things.  We lost our heart and soul.  And I pretty much stopped singing.

Now, I volunteer to cantor on occasion, but it is not the same.

I miss that gospel music we all used to sing.  I can still hear your riffs and improvisations, your encouragement and experimentation, even though you are no longer here.  I keep hoping another opportunity to sing gospel will pop up, one that will bring the same joy.  And it might.  I think I just need to pay attention, keep my heart open and be willing to say yes.

Thank you for everything,

Julie

Part of the process of rediscovering my creativity is recognizing those people who encouraged my insecure, budding artist.  Week one suggested writing a thank you note and mailing it to one of those people.  Since Pastor Jeff is now singing with that Gospel Band in Heaven (and Roy, no doubt), this will have to suffice.  

While I am not writing them a letter, I do have two other people I would like to recognize.  A special thanks to Mrs. Mushinski (sorry for the spelling, it is probably wrong), my sixth grade teacher, for encouraging us to think outside the box and be creative in all of our assignments.  And thank you to Mr. Richardson, who encouraged me to write and be part of the yearbook.  As you once told me, not everyone can say they published a book, but I could.